When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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