Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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