Texts From Last Night

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  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!

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  (857): Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?! http://tfl.nu/m6me
  Replies (15) Good night (463) Bad night (1155) Order T-Shirt
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  (347): View more from New York

  Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????

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  (347): Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck????? http://tfl.nu/jm2n
  Replies (8) Good night (915) Bad night (4612) Order T-Shirt
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  (585): View more from New York

  He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.

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  (585): He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings. http://tfl.nu/entr
  Replies (15) Good night (768) Bad night (2819) Order T-Shirt
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  (863): View more from Florida

  If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.

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  (863): If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat. http://tfl.nu/9rvo
  Replies (21) Good night (804) Bad night (3551) Order T-Shirt
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.

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  (403): I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night. http://tfl.nu/12y8
  Replies (9) Good night (5876) Bad night (1043) Order T-Shirt
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.

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  (480): We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids. http://tfl.nu/o5lf
  Replies (15) Good night (3084) Bad night (1292)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."

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  (832): We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College." http://tfl.nu/3hlg
  Replies (11) Good night (8082) Bad night (872) Order T-Shirt
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.

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  (717): He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home. http://tfl.nu/aglq
  Replies (9) Good night (3349) Bad night (780) Order T-Shirt
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.

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  (401): My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog. http://tfl.nu/x3j9
  Replies (8) Good night (3332) Bad night (808) Order T-Shirt
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now

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  (205): They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now http://tfl.nu/ocyi
  Replies (10) Good night (1804) Bad night (671) Order T-Shirt
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  (518): View more from New York

  I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex

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  (518): I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex http://tfl.nu/h730
  Replies (10) Good night (2572) Bad night (455) Order T-Shirt
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.

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  (+44): This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats. http://tfl.nu/c5o0
  Replies (14) Good night (895) Bad night (2149)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP

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  (304): ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP http://tfl.nu/bbs8
  Replies (6) Good night (1966) Bad night (427) Order T-Shirt
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep

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  (412): It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep http://tfl.nu/wopt
  Replies (3) Good night (816) Bad night (541)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life

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  (215): From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life http://tfl.nu/t68e
  Replies (2) Good night (1150) Bad night (490)

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