dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
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I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
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Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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