I'm so fucking centered right now
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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