I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize