If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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