Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
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Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
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Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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