Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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