he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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