Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
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