Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
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The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
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He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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