you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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