My Higher Power is John Stamos
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
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Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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