I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize