i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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