sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize