I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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