I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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