bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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