I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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