i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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