Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You don't make any sense
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