so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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