I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
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At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
It's never too late to be topless.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
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And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
is that a dick in a sweater?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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