Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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