Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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