My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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