Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
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His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
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He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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