Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I wear drunk well.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize