you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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