Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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