Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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