he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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