she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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