I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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