I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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