I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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