dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
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You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
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But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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