Old men and throwing up are my life now.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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