Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
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They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
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There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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