I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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