Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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