Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
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Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
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He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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