i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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