Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize