he looks like a really good dad on facebook
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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