8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
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