I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize