then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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